Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
