He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
