i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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