I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
