it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
