I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
