Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
