which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
