Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize