Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
