I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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