Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
