so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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