he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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