One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
