Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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