pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
