Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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