if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to sanitize my soul.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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