Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize