he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
