remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
