Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
