How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
