Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
