i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
