period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
