I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
