that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
