so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
