Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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