Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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