Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
