I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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