It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
