Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
