I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
