tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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