My friends, they love my intelligence
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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