i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
