my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
where am i from again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
