i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
