Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
