Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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