I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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