carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Terrible idea I love it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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