Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize