I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
