you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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