Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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