Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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