Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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