why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
