I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
