so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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