They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
