you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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