pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
