dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
