I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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