I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
