She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
