OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
