Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
