Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
