you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
