Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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