I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
