There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
