Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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