Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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