You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
